This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
