I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
