"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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