okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
