Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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