i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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