to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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