Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
