Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
