It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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