so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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