Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
