My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
