I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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