There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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