so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
