my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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