therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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