You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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