He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
