Farmville is her only friend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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