the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
