Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
