She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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