Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
