both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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