It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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