I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
wow bdsm is so cute
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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