even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
