the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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