Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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