You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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