dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
