I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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