Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
