So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
