I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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