Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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