I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
