i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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