i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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