1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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