Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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