If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
