but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
