Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
