There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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