1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
