...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The air taste purple.
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