I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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