right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
