You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
