butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
