took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
