i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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