You're so nebulous sometimes
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
