"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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