there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
