Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to calm my uterus...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
