Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
