Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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