my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
