Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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