okay pat passed out under dana's car
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize