Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
