I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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