I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
