I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
