Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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