fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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