i don't like sucking hair
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
