I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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