Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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