he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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