So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
