I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
