Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
