Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
