I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
