in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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