did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
