If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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