Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
