hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
