Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
